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Johna_Saaz's details
Inspiration: Life experiences and ppl arnd me .
Country: us
Interests: Swimming,Creative writing,Dance and music
Books I love: You Don't Know me
Movies I love: 10 things i hate about you /Save the last dance
Places I traveled to: Greece,Spain,Albania and France
Gender: Female
Joined on: 11/16/2006
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tjpoetdo u know i still have ur number...? how are doing and how is ur dad? its bn long i heard from u
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Lets just say its less then simple....
11/21/2007
Okay so these who know me here.will no abit more and may get this a little abit more then others. nut hell i need some help. so let me swt the scene ... a few months ago i moved from england to greece. i had a rough time and needed to start fresh but there were a few people or a person i couldnt let go. he was my best friend someone i had known most my life and the one person i truly loved and trusted. we had been more then friends a few times but it never went anywhere because we always came to the idea that we needed each other to much as friends and of course becuase i am a bitch of agirlfriend and anything i am involved in any way is always far to complicated because of my messed up head and too many heart breaks. so we always ended just being friends. then before i moved we both realised how much time we had wasted not being together, all the time i had spent crying, getting high because all the boys i was ever with treated me like shit sorry , not all but by the time i got to a nice boy i treated him like shit becaUSE I DIDNT WANNA GET HURT but can you blame me after being in complicated and violent realationships from a very young age.but it was just not enough to stay there, i knew i loved him and i was only hurting him and myself by leaving still but i knew in my hearts of hearts thats all i could do becuase i didnt to start my life over.i really thought we could stay together and when i had sorted my messed up head out i could return knowing that i didnt need to get hurt or to hurt other people becuase i had him and i didnt need to take drugs. so it goes it pleaded with me to go back to england,but i couldnt for the first tiem in my life i was so happy i had nothing but i was getting by and my condifence was building slowly.i felt that i was a person again not just a empty body, when i say again i mean for the first time in my life.i was me inside out and i loved it. i knew i had him an i knew he loved me for me because he was there when i cried, smiled and even when i done stupid things he picked me up. ran to my resue.but i guess i hurt him to much i wouldfnt go back so he finished it but he still said he loved me and still does to this day. so okay maybe things here in greece willnt as perfect as i first thought but was happy.but it got to a point that i started to mess with my diginity ok i was having fun.i worked hard and played hard. i trully thought i was a new person.i met some amazing people and some damn right dodgy people, and i mean that, some damn right dangerous people.anyway back to the point, he broke it off and said he wouldnt stand being with me and me being so far.i had a few boyfriends we fucked my head up again and went back to being heartless with men, to stop my self from being hurt.but i knew i had one life to live and live it well so i decided to just cope with the pain if it happened.this guy Kc said he loved me i knew who he was but we never spoke he always sat in the bar watching football we would say hi or everything but he said before he was scaired to talk to me becuase he thought i had a boyfriend.i said i didnt and he said give me a try please. i may not you well but in ways i do he said he watched me everyday working hard and he knew what was on my mind whenever i got to work and knew if i was hapy or not even if i put a smile on.so we took each others numbers and so on.but he moves to athens for the winter and when season started to get slow he went i think it was octurber 5th. but he called at least once aday to see how i was and so on.this is where the complications come in, i met someone called lillie.he was sweet and i was comfused okay this is why im such a bitch of a girlfriend i really liked lillie , not sure why but i did. KC would give me the world but i still wanted lillie for some reason. so i did as i did and was with lillie but at the same time my loving guy Kc, which called everyday and new me so well with out me knowing.and now i dont no what to do, lillie is busy working all the time, and we hardly speak let alone see each other, but when we do speak or see each other its lovely and i remind myself why im doing this because i dont no what to do.if only i could let stuart and he would no what to do but i cant bring myslef to.because i no i want him back i no we live different countrys and so on but still to no hes mine. but anyhow, while me and lillie didnt speak or seeeach its not like i didnt try i called everyday but most the time no answer which really pissed me off because its not tiring or hard to answer a damn mobile. but if he just put more effect in and i would be able to break it off with Kc, so this weekend just gone i went to athens to see kc, AND IT WAS REALLY GOOD. HE TREATED ME LIKE A PRINCESS AND I LOVED BEING WITH HIM.and thought why am i with lillie and thought i coudl really love Kc forever but then when it came to bed i didnt wanna have sex with him and i believe when you really love someone or really like them then sex is good and so on. i just HATED him touching me.so maybe my conciousion was coming in to play like angel against devil.and then today i saw lillie he drove past saw it was me and turned around to speak to me, and i felt that butterflys again, the way he smiled and spoke to me. even no i was sacatic with him saying ' i suppose you are going to eat and go bed now you have finsihed' and ' i would ask you over for dinner but of course i no your too busy to even call or text me let alone spend time with me'and he said he might come over to mine to see me. i dont no what to do , i no the answer is to break it off with one or both but i cant i cant decide.HELP !!!!!!View/Comment
Okay so these who know me here.will no abit more and may get this a little abit more then others. nut hell i need some help. so let me swt the scene ... a few months ago i moved from england to greece. i had a rough time and needed to start fresh but there were a few people or a person i couldnt let go. he was my best friend someone i had known most my life and the one person i truly loved and trusted. we had been more then friends a few times but it never went anywhere because we always came to the idea that we needed each other to much as friends and of course becuase i am a bitch of agirlfriend and anything i am involved in any way is always far to complicated because of my messed up head and too many heart breaks. so we always ended just being friends. then before i moved we both realised how much time we had wasted not being together, all the time i had spent crying, getting high because all the boys i was ever with treated me like shit sorry , not all but by the time i got to a nice boy i treated him like shit becaUSE I DIDNT WANNA GET HURT but can you blame me after being in complicated and violent realationships from a very young age.but it was just not enough to stay there, i knew i loved him and i was only hurting him and myself by leaving still but i knew in my hearts of hearts thats all i could do becuase i didnt to start my life over.i really thought we could stay together and when i had sorted my messed up head out i could return knowing that i didnt need to get hurt or to hurt other people becuase i had him and i didnt need to take drugs. so it goes it pleaded with me to go back to england,but i couldnt for the first tiem in my life i was so happy i had nothing but i was getting by and my condifence was building slowly.i felt that i was a person again not just a empty body, when i say again i mean for the first time in my life.i was me inside out and i loved it. i knew i had him an i knew he loved me for me because he was there when i cried, smiled and even when i done stupid things he picked me up. ran to my resue.but i guess i hurt him to much i wouldfnt go back so he finished it but he still said he loved me and still does to this day. so okay maybe things here in greece willnt as perfect as i first thought but was happy.but it got to a point that i started to mess with my diginity ok i was having fun.i worked hard and played hard. i trully thought i was a new person.i met some amazing people and some damn right dodgy people, and i mean that, some damn right dangerous people.anyway back to the point, he broke it off and said he wouldnt stand being with me and me being so far.i had a few boyfriends we fucked my head up again and went back to being heartless with men, to stop my self from being hurt.but i knew i had one life to live and live it well so i decided to just cope with the pain if it happened.this guy Kc said he loved me i knew who he was but we never spoke he always sat in the bar watching football we would say hi or everything but he said before he was scaired to talk to me becuase he thought i had a boyfriend.i said i didnt and he said give me a try please. i may not you well but in ways i do he said he watched me everyday working hard and he knew what was on my mind whenever i got to work and knew if i was hapy or not even if i put a smile on.so we took each others numbers and so on.but he moves to athens for the winter and when season started to get slow he went i think it was octurber 5th. but he called at least once aday to see how i was and so on.this is where the complications come in, i met someone called lillie.he was sweet and i was comfused okay this is why im such a bitch of a girlfriend i really liked lillie , not sure why but i did. KC would give me the world but i still wanted lillie for some reason. so i did as i did and was with lillie but at the same time my loving guy Kc, which called everyday and new me so well with out me knowing.and now i dont no what to do, lillie is busy working all the time, and we hardly speak let alone see each other, but when we do speak or see each other its lovely and i remind myself why im doing this because i dont no what to do.if only i could let stuart and he would no what to do but i cant bring myslef to.because i no i want him back i no we live different countrys and so on but still to no hes mine. but anyhow, while me and lillie didnt speak or seeeach its not like i didnt try i called everyday but most the time no answer which really pissed me off because its not tiring or hard to answer a damn mobile. but if he just put more effect in and i would be able to break it off with Kc, so this weekend just gone i went to athens to see kc, AND IT WAS REALLY GOOD. HE TREATED ME LIKE A PRINCESS AND I LOVED BEING WITH HIM.and thought why am i with lillie and thought i coudl really love Kc forever but then when it came to bed i didnt wanna have sex with him and i believe when you really love someone or really like them then sex is good and so on. i just HATED him touching me.so maybe my conciousion was coming in to play like angel against devil.and then today i saw lillie he drove past saw it was me and turned around to speak to me, and i felt that butterflys again, the way he smiled and spoke to me. even no i was sacatic with him saying ' i suppose you are going to eat and go bed now you have finsihed' and ' i would ask you over for dinner but of course i no your too busy to even call or text me let alone spend time with me'and he said he might come over to mine to see me. i dont no what to do , i no the answer is to break it off with one or both but i cant i cant decide.HELP !!!!!!View/Comment
ok , i didnt last a day
03/19/2007
i was really up for qutting smoking and i really want to but when i did i realised it is much harder then i thought , i never really show that smoking was a part of my personality n a huge part of my lifestyle , so i gave up quitting cuz of all that n cuz i gt really stressed cuz i done loads of damage to my motorcyle, and my dad was really nasty about it even no itwasnt really my fault. but there is hope im going to try again this thursday !! View/Comment
i was really up for qutting smoking and i really want to but when i did i realised it is much harder then i thought , i never really show that smoking was a part of my personality n a huge part of my lifestyle , so i gave up quitting cuz of all that n cuz i gt really stressed cuz i done loads of damage to my motorcyle, and my dad was really nasty about it even no itwasnt really my fault. but there is hope im going to try again this thursday !! View/Comment
quitting smoking
03/13/2007
i have been smoking since i was 11 ,and i now have desiced that it is the time to give up for once and all. lets face it its a nasty habbit and expensive , im always ill , im always broke and im always needing to stop whatever im doing to go for a fag. its stupid im gting fit again becasue i have gained weight cuz of laziness stopping me from doing all the exercise i used to bt i went to gym n had to stopin for fags, so im gving up on thursday , i choose thursday because if i can past a thursady at work i can do anything !!! i need all the support i can get !!!! View/Comment
i have been smoking since i was 11 ,and i now have desiced that it is the time to give up for once and all. lets face it its a nasty habbit and expensive , im always ill , im always broke and im always needing to stop whatever im doing to go for a fag. its stupid im gting fit again becasue i have gained weight cuz of laziness stopping me from doing all the exercise i used to bt i went to gym n had to stopin for fags, so im gving up on thursday , i choose thursday because if i can past a thursady at work i can do anything !!! i need all the support i can get !!!! View/Comment
CBT succeess
03/02/2007
its great , it was a simple thing but it made things fall in to place.i failed my Complusory bike training, last week and was really really upset becasue it wasnt just about riding a bike it was about being able to put myself into something with so much passion to pass it because i knew i could ride a bike well becuase i ahve done in greece.but i failed.so i rebooked it for today and went out at 2 and re done my test and i passed, i was so happy because so mcuh has now fallen in place for me, i dont have to relay on my dad to get any where to or from work or just seeing friends.and that feeling of sccess is what i crave for, i havent passed much in my life.after all i spent from 11 to 14 on drugs all the time or drunk or with a guy who is too old for me. but i got out of that started going back to school but the problem was it was abit late im now doing my exams and all tho i ahve caught up with some education i could be so much better if only i had gone to school and so now im just passing but still will my records ect and not a C in maths i cant gt into college ok i wasnt going this year any way becuase i dont get back from my 6 months away till octurber and the college year starts september but it was the fact of having the opinion open and knowing taht i have the ability to get in.but im really happy about my CBT and it may be a small and simple success but little successes can lead to bigger things#!!! View/Comment
its great , it was a simple thing but it made things fall in to place.i failed my Complusory bike training, last week and was really really upset becasue it wasnt just about riding a bike it was about being able to put myself into something with so much passion to pass it because i knew i could ride a bike well becuase i ahve done in greece.but i failed.so i rebooked it for today and went out at 2 and re done my test and i passed, i was so happy because so mcuh has now fallen in place for me, i dont have to relay on my dad to get any where to or from work or just seeing friends.and that feeling of sccess is what i crave for, i havent passed much in my life.after all i spent from 11 to 14 on drugs all the time or drunk or with a guy who is too old for me. but i got out of that started going back to school but the problem was it was abit late im now doing my exams and all tho i ahve caught up with some education i could be so much better if only i had gone to school and so now im just passing but still will my records ect and not a C in maths i cant gt into college ok i wasnt going this year any way becuase i dont get back from my 6 months away till octurber and the college year starts september but it was the fact of having the opinion open and knowing taht i have the ability to get in.but im really happy about my CBT and it may be a small and simple success but little successes can lead to bigger things#!!! View/Comment
what do you do when theres nothing left ?advise plz
02/22/2007
waht are u suppose to do when you jsut dnt care no more wen u want to die in your own self pitty wen u hate urself mor ethen u fort possible wen the person u love cnt do nothing to help wen u hate being alone bt cnt stand being wid someone wen u push everyone who cares away and go for the pricks wen theres nothing left to do then walk away wen u ahve to hold on for all life to one thing even if its nothing just so u feel u have something wen all self beleive is gone and all u do is agt in the way wen u cnt seem to no right from wrong and wen all u cn do is fail wen there is no choice but denall what do you do ?View/Comment
waht are u suppose to do when you jsut dnt care no more wen u want to die in your own self pitty wen u hate urself mor ethen u fort possible wen the person u love cnt do nothing to help wen u hate being alone bt cnt stand being wid someone wen u push everyone who cares away and go for the pricks wen theres nothing left to do then walk away wen u ahve to hold on for all life to one thing even if its nothing just so u feel u have something wen all self beleive is gone and all u do is agt in the way wen u cnt seem to no right from wrong and wen all u cn do is fail wen there is no choice but denall what do you do ?View/Comment
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